PTQ
After all the exciting events that took place in my branch of the Grand Celestio Council of Wizards in the last few weeks, I came to the conclusion that I needed a respite from my responsibilities as a Mid-Level Mage. I’m sure this will delight the many readers who’ve written in to tell me I “need to take a vacation” after reading of the exploits of me and my colleagues, but the more of those I read, the more clear it becomes that you, dear readers, are unaware of the nature of the time off granted by the Grand Council to the Mid-Level Mages, and so it is my pleasure to enlighten you. While many of you are presumably granted PTO (Paid Time Off) by your places of employment, we are granted PTQ (Paid To Quest).
The process starts with you submitting your PTQ request to your supervisor, followed by some passive aggressive comments about how you’re asking to be out of the office and some subtle guilt tripping that you’ve gotten good at ignoring. Next, you receive your PTQ assignment, included in which is a suggested packing list, a general climate prediction for the environment in which you will quest, and a brief overview of your objective. Though not stated anywhere officially, it is generally accepted that you shouldn’t share your quest objective with your coworkers until your leave is over, both to be considerate and also avoid jealousy. The quest objectives can be hit or miss, and I’ve been both hit and missed considering my first quest was kelpie stable cleaning, and the one I just received was dragon negotiation. (The noise of excitement that escaped my lips as I read the objective for the first time at my desk scared at least three of my adjacent coworkers. I had to pretend it was a coughing fit.)
The day after receiving your assignment, rather than teleporting through the portal you usually take to work, you follow the provided instructions to a special portal that will send you to the beginning of your quest, and finally the fun can begin.
My assigned PTQ portal opened up into a lush meadow, located somewhere to the north if I had to guess, and in the distance I could see a singular looming mountain with a couple of faint puffs of smoke rising out of it every so often. This was my direction, and so I set off, trekking through flowers and bushes, over rivers and streams. On my journey I occasionally encountered imps and other such small trolls who tried to halt me on my path, but that is all part of the quest, and I banished them without much hassle. At night I set up camp and slept under the stars, with astral wolves I learned to summon on my last quest there to keep guard.
After three days of hiking, I arrived at the mouth of a cave at the base of the singular smoking mountain. All around the opening of the cave, the rocks were carved with warnings from adventures long past, bidding I turn back before it was too late, but I had a quest to complete.
Inside the cave, a deep rocky tunnel led straight to the gaping cavern I knew was within. I peaked my head around a boulder, and finally laid eyes on the piles and piles of gold and jewels, stacked higher than many towers, and the great red dragon curled atop its hoard, puffs of smoke escaping its nostrils as it slumbered. To its left, I spotted the other target of my quest; a princess sitting next to the dragon, her dress a deep purple and a sparkling tiara positioned daintily among golden curls. From where I crouched behind rocks, I could see that the princess was holding a hand of playing cards, as was the dragon, and she seemed to be reprimanding the creature for dozing off in the middle of their game.
In the olden days, when dragons kidnapped princesses, people assumed the worst, that the dragon was going to eat the princess or something. Now, after a few princesses had the idea to ask the dragon what was up, we know that dragons usually kidnap princesses to signal they have a complaint they need to take up with the particular kingdom, so the princesses started hiring wizards to serve as mediators for such political discussions.
After entering the hoard, the dragon and the princess demanded I be dealt in for a few round of their card game, and afterwards we had a quick meal (dragons are excellent cooks) before we began the negotiations (mostly concerning a different dragon the kingdom was allowing to encroach on their shared territory without the dragon’s permission)(the princess thought the red dragon seemed lonely and was trying to set them up on a date).
Once all was said and done, the three of us relaxed for one night longer in the dragon’s hoard, before getting flown back to the castle, and from there I was able to teleport home. I didn’t spill too much about my quest to my coworkers upon my return, but the dragon had insisted I take leftovers of our meal home with me, and everyone knows when someone’s re-heating dragon food in the kitchen.
May the moon shine favorably and without hesitation upon you,
Alexan Drytus
